Monday Morning Media Quarterback

 

It’s September 19—do you know where your Joe Francis is?  Not going too wild; he’s been in jail since April, first in Florida, now in Nevada.  As in the old Billy Squier song, ‘everybody wants you,’ Joe.

Has he killed anyone?  Has he robbed or kidnapped anyone? (Hello, OJ!)

OK, he’s obnoxious and egotistical.  He’s a strong persuader–hence the Florida under-age girl lawsuits–and maybe not so detail-oriented—hence the tax evasion charges.

And yes, not only is he a former squeeze of fellow jailbird Paris Hilton (she of “I stepped in AIDS” ignorance fame), but he also offered formerly squeaky clean Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical $500,000 from jail “to join the Girls Gone Wild brand and lifestyle.” 

But five months in jail? How much time has Larry Flynt, Bob Guccione or the Hef himself spent behind bars?  Joe, get some new lawyers.  Or find some new friends–outside the graybar hotel.

With Girls Gone Wild, Joe Francis gave America what it wanted, including the girls , who liked the attention going wild got them.  Now America is giving it to him.

With celebrities like Nicole Ritchie, Parish Hilton and Lindsay Lohan confused by drugs, alcohol and our freeway system, it’s clear Los Angeles needs a Celebrity Drunk Driving School (CDDS) to help our region’s most precious assets learn to navigate the streets while loaded. 

Perhaps could be the first instructor, due to his life-saving ability, rehab experience and driving K.I.T.T., the talking car.

Jeannette Walls of MSNBC claims Paris Hilton told Larry King she votes in the U.S.  presidential election ‘every year.’  Of course this wasn’t in the taped interview, but off-camera, according to Walls’ ’source.’

But like fellow ‘dumb blonde’ Jessica Simpson of buffalo wings fame, (she got a national commercial out of the infamous “I don’t eat buffalo” comment), Paris is laughing all the way to the bank. 

The media eats this stuff up.

At my age, I take a paternal interest in Paris.  Not.  And certainly not a maternal interest, like snarky Nora Ephron.

Yes, Paris is hot, but she’s easy to make fun of.  I admit I love her because you, the reader, loves her–the top search terms on this blog include paris hilton, Paris Hilton, PARIS HILTON, Paris-Hilton, Paris in jail, etc. But you only come here because I write about her. 

So why do I write about her? Isn’t she stupid? Vapid? A no-talent? Racist and possibly anti-Semitic? A ? (To many, another reason to love her.) A Bible-banger? A Buddhist?

I write about her because she is a phenomenon.  People care not only about what she wears and where she goes, but about her.  To her fans, Paris has fashion sense, sass, looks, attitude–in short, all the elements of style.  Put it all together and she’s a real attention-getter. 

Is it all about being rich and a socialite?  Partly–but being rich doesn’t make you a generation’s “It Girl”.   Whatever “it” is, she’s got it–and her fans want it.  She started as a model–so why does everyone expect her to be a role model?

It’s easy to understand why people (over) focus on Paris Hilton or Jordin from American Idol, when the real news is this grim.  The news business is an entertainment business; give the people what they want.  And Paris, friendly to photographers and starring on TV, has become this generation’s people’s princess.

Paris  may be a millionaire many times over, but she’s got the common touch.  Who can’t relate to her claustrophobia, her not wanting to be alone, her making a mistake by drinking and driving?  Who doesn’t take medication?  Who doesn’t like to go out dancing?  Who doesn’t think they’ve been unjustly punished?  Who doesn’t see herself as a dutiful daughter, a good girl who ‘confessed’ to Larry King that she’ll go to Mass? 

And who doesn’t think like Paris does that “the right guy is out there”, and when she finds him, she’ll have a big family because she “loves children?”

Paris has been a girl who just wants to have fun–just like her fans.  And maybe now, after her sobering experience, those fans will watch her growing up.

Californians have always prided themselves on their driving skills (except when it rains and there are 500 fender-benders in three hours).  That’s why you’ll see people shaving, texting, applying make-up, reading magazines and screaming at their phones.

But it seems like someone needs to open a Celebrity Driving School.  I don’t venture to West Hollywood, especially late at night, because of the growing celebrity menace.

Accidental meetings with celebrities have always been a lure of Los Angeles, but they were fatal for the unlucky folks who encountered Prison Break’s Lane Garrison and singer Brandy.

Sure–not every celebrity crash is a fatal one.  But with Lindsay, Paris Hilton’s potentially ugly DUI, “Wrong Way” Nicole Ritchie (called that because she was arrested for DUI going against traffic on a freeway!), Halle Berry and even Mischa Barton of the OC commiting mayhem behind the wheel, maybe celebrity chronicler TMZ.COM should change their “Trainwrecks” section to “Celebrity Car Crashes.”

Watch out for celebrities when you’re on the road, or your car will may look like this.

As MondayMorningMediaQuarterback suspected, Paris Hilton will actually serve more time than 80% of those convicted of similar DUI/traffic infractions.  More than 72% of those convicted of similar DUI offenses serve 10 days or less; the judge in the case has mandated that Paris serve all 23 days of her sentence.

But a vemgeful public still seems to want to burn the witch at the stake: An LA Times polling question asked ”Do you think Paris Hilton deserves to do more time for her offense?” and 64.7% answered yes.

She may not have meant to do it, but Paris Hilton has already brought attention to issues of jail overcrowding, poor medical care, equitable punishment and of course unequal application of justice. 

I just hope she doesn’t become a material example. The LA Sheriff’s Department has a lot to answer for with Paris; not only do they run the LA jails, but the very same department may have been profiling her in their street stops.  The last thing Sheriff Baca needs is Paris dead in one of LA County’s ‘Hiltons.’

“Anyone want to buy five beautiful acres in Crawford, Texas ? I will consider any reasonable offer. “  This CraigsList.org-like ad actually ran on the liberal Huffington Post.  The poster was war protestor Cindy Sheehan, whose son Casey was killed in Iraq,  saying she was dumping her 5 acre ‘Camp Casey’ near George W. Bush’s ranch.  She ended up with $87,000.

Candy Crowley of CNN describes Sheehan as “the first recognizable face of the anti-war movement” but the left (and the media) eventually soured on her for saying George Bush is a bigger terrorist that Osama Bin Ladin, and that the U.S. is in danger of disintegrating into “a fascist corporate wasteland.” You can read her letter dropping out of the war protest here. 

Not only has no other popular spokesperson emerged for the anti-war movement, but Sheehan’s ‘garage sale’ shows that a broad peace movement has never really developed, even after more than four years of war. 

I was a child during Vietnam, and I remember watching rallies at the Capitol on television that were over 250,00 like this one on November 15, 1969.  Such demonstrations persuaded Lyndon Johnson not to run for re-election, and continued into the 1970’s until most U.S. soldiers were out of Vietnam.

By contrast, rallies against the war in Iraq peaked almost two years ago, when more than 100,000, including Sheehan, (organizers claimed 300,000) marched in Washington on September 24, 2005.   Back then, 1,911 U.S.  soldiers had been killed in the war.  By June 2007, over 3,500 had died in Iraq, and the number of troops in-country had actually risen with the surge.

Yet the protests have died down, and Cindy Sheehan gave up, ‘tired of being called an attention whore.’ 

Why are there so few other leaders and symbols of an anti-war movement? Why are demonstrations limited to fringe groups seemingly more interested in making a statement against the Republicans in September 2008 than trying to stop the war now? Are Americans selfish, apathetic, or do they actually support the war in Iraq, despite what the polls say?

The media may have helped in building Sheehan up and tearing her down, but the media is just a mirror to society.  Although I don’t agree with her on many issues, it’s hard not to sympathize with Sheehan’s pain and frustration, or to analyze the lack of protest without thinking of the selfishness of one generation or another. 

Were the Babyboomers selfishly demonstrating during the Vietnam War, out of fear of being drafted? Or are today’s young Americans the selfish ones, too inwardly directed on their iPods, cellphones and instant messaging to care?

It’s hard to motivate people to get out in the streets and away from their computers.  But it’s easy to understand why people (over) focus on Paris Hilton or American Idol, when the news from Iraq is this grim. 

Early in my journalistic career, I spent five years writing for the National Enquirer.  People asked how I could live with myself, instead of writing for a ‘real’ newspaper.  I tried to tell them that standards of verification at the Enquirer were just as high as the New York Times.  Indeed, it was not the Enquirer, but the NY Times, that named the alleged victim in the 1991 Patrick Kennedy Smith rape case.

So I like to say that the rest of the media has jumped right down into the gutter with the Enquirer.   It started with Presidential candidate Gary Hart being ‘outed’ for his extra-marital affair, picked up steam with the orgiastic OJ Simpson coverage, and snowballed to the bottom of the hill with the airtime and precious ink devoted to Paris.

Some outlets pretend their Paris coverage is about ‘issues’, such as this LA Times Paris Hilton story (one of three they run each day) how rich and poor are treated in jail, but most just go for the breathless pandering.

The NY Times had a front-page story on Paris.  And yes, it was an ‘issue’ piece about  ‘celebrity justice’–a figleaf for their naked ambition covering the woman they so primly call Ms. Hilton.

Donna Rice and Gary Hart on the yacht Monkey Business. 

Let Paris Hilton out of jail.  What is gained by breaking a butterfly on the wheel?

For those howling for her head, the point is made.  Rich people and girls who just want to have fun suffer too. She did a few days in jail, just like the common people would do for a minor, non-violent first-time DUI.  (Many would probably not do any time at all.)  Let her do home confinement, or just let her go.

For those demanding she be punished, let he who is righteous, who has never had a few drinks and gotten behind the wheel, cast the first stone.  U.S. Supreme Court Justice Scalia’s daughter, to name only one, was arrested for DUI with three kids in her car.  She got probation and community service.

And for those who think “celebrity justice” is a joke, remember that not every celebrity gets off scot-free.  Heidi Fleiss, celebrity madam, served 3 years in Federal prison; the clients of her prostitution services served not a single day.   Oscar-nominated actor (can’t wait to see him in Jon Favreau’s Iron Man) served a hellish year in California state prison for drug offenses.

Who did they–or Paris Hilton–hurt?

I’ve always had a soft spot for Lindsay Lohan, especially compared to the other pop tarts.  Unlike, say,  Nicole or even Brittany, her talent is not in question, and she earns her money, unlike a certain heiress.  

Our favorite of her films is The Parent Trap, where she plays charming but determined twins dedicated to getting their parents back together, but Mean Girls, Freaky Friday and even Herbie have lots of entertaiment value.

Even if we liked her best in a kid’s film, don’t accuse us of not wanting her to grow up.  Her relationship with her divorced parents has been like a car crash, and now she’s had a real one.  If anyone could say ‘Do as I say, not as I do,’  it’s her father, and to young people, hypocrisy is the greatest crime of all.

Her DUI trial (more likely the plea) will be a circus; the only good thing is that unlike Lane Garrison or Brandy (not a DUI) she hasn’t killed anyone (yet).

The partying, the lateness to work, the failed rehab, all seem a cry for help, but there’s been no one willing or able to say “No” to Lindsay and tell her “Nose to the grindstone,” as my father said to me.  Parenting is hard, but someone’s got to do it.

The personal lives of performers have been exploited for over a hundred years to promote their entertainment projects.  The situation has been reversed as millions focus on the antics of the stars, rather than on their movies.

Lindsay Lohan needs to buckle down (and buckle up) get serious about her work, and put her fame to positive use.  People love to trash Angelina Jolie and her ‘zoo’ of adopted children, but she uses her fame (and channels her own family problems) into worthy work like A Mighty Heart, and her charity work dramatizing the problems of the suffering. 

That’s a lot to ask of Lindsay, who’s still not old enough to drink legally, but it’s a way to lose the lack of self-worth that’s driving the continuing car crash.