Archive for the ‘Reggie-the-alligator’ Category

Diary of Reggie, Alligator at Large, Entry #5

November 13, 2007

My apologies for not posting for a while.  I’m just trying to get used to captivity.

Like my late brother Poncho, I’m practicing watchful waiting.  I’m not very big yet, but maybe I’ll get there on the slop they feed me.  Like the Red Hot Chili Peppers song Cabron (I am a tough LA banger, just like them.) “I am small but I am strong,  I’ll get it on with you.”

They say alligators are stupid.  Not as stupid as people.  Some guy breaks into cars on an Indian reservation behind the inevitable casino, the cops chase him and he dives into a pond to escape.  Not very smart so far–worse because he didn’t “read the signs that warned of the danger of live alligators in the pond.”

To add insult to injury, they said, “Some gators have a nasty disposition and he was a nasty gator. He seemed to have no fear of people which indicates that he was fed.”

Now the big guy, Poncho, has to die for doing what comes naturally to an alligator.  You jump in the pond, I eat you, end of story.  

Diary of Reggie, Alligator at Large, Entry #4

September 29, 2007

They’re exploiting me at the Zoo.  Or at least my image.  I’m appearing on mugs, T-shirts, posters, advertising, you name it–and not a nickel for Reggie.

 Call my agent!

Diary of Reggie, Alligator at Large, Entry #3

September 8, 2007

It’s a bummer that they caught me, but at least it’s been super hot.  Alligator weather.

Like 25 people died here in LA, but at least they can’t blame it on me—I’m penned up in here with these uncool LA alligators.

I mean, like, they tell you they’ll be your best friend and then they leave you lying there like a log, all by yourself. 

“You’re over, Reggie,” one of them even tried to tell me.  I thought of giving him a tail swipe, but I just walked away.

 At least I got the kid audience.  Like Eddie Murphy.

Reggie.jpg

Diary of Reggie, Alligator at Large, Entry #2

August 15, 2007

OK, I ran for it.  I admit it. I got freaked out.  I mean, I was raised in a bathtub.  That’s where I learned to climb walls.   Pretty cool for an alligator, huh?

 But look at these people.  Wouldn’t you run too?

Reggie latimes.com

Diary of Reggie, Alligator at Large

August 12, 2007

OK, I was  swimming in some lake, nostrils on top.  I smelled chicken, so I crawled up on land and bang–they put me in a cage.  Next thing I know, people are pushing my snout down, wrapping me in a towel like I’m a baby, and carrying me to some dirty swimming pool in the zoo.

Reggie

What’s an alligator to do?  Why are all these people watching me lying there like a log, waiting to see if I bite something? And why do they keep playing that song saying “You can check out any time you like but you can never leave”?

What is this–Hollywood?